Who am I?

     Not sure about this yet. Multiple times I have had people request that I start a book or a blog and I have resisted..... I am a nobody, everyone is just like me, why would anyone want to read what I think and about my life, yet God keeps knocking on my door. Just like the homeschooling situation, He put it on my heart for years before I had the courage. I guess now I have the courage.

     It was hard for me to come up with a title for this blog but there is great significance to what I chose. For years since the drowning of my fourth child, the blink of the eye theme has been in my life. It was at that moment that I realized that I was not defined by those things that I planned or spent years developing but rather those things that happened in a blink of an eye. Those events that could have been so different if just one thing was changed; the by chance meeting, an accident, the second I said 'yes' at the altar of God, the birth of children, the drowning of a child, it is these things that define me and mold me. Not the things I planned, the college studies, the career, the upcoming retirement, growing old.
      The skin of my teeth is a saying that I continually heard from my grandparents and my parents. It is the image I see as I face aggravations and trials. It is my state of mind as I face challenges and wait for the hand of my Lord to come to my aid.
     And then the last, the grace of God speaks for itself. He is what I live for and He has brought me through my bad choices, through the good choices, and through the random. It is His grace and peace that keeps me sane.  I put this last on purpose because He is my Omega. I didn't start my adult life with Him but I am going to end with Him! I know my life would have been easier if I was following Him from the beginning but that isn't what happened and I don't want to paint me or my life in a better light. I don't want you to read this and think, "wow, she has it all together." Then feel bad about your life and your decisions. I am on a path towards heaven, I fail in many ways, and sometimes I have to turn around and get back to the right spot making a different turn.

    My intentions for this blog are simply to document for myself where I am. I have found over the years that I am closest to God when I write in my journal. It helps me to process where I am and what I am struggling with at the moment. And when I think that I have made no progress, I go back and read my journals and realize that yes in some things I am still working but in other ways I am progressing.

     A little about me; I am a 49 year old mother of 7 children plus 5 in heaven. I was a protestant who converted to Catholicism. Now I am a Mass going, scapular wearing, handmaiden to Jesus and Mary,  homeschooling, veil wearing, dress wearing stay-at-home mom and grandmother (Mimi). I have 3 adult 'children', one who is married and soon to give birth to our third grandchild and first grandson. I am so proud of her and her family. My other adult child is in college and the next one is working in Colorado. The four I have at home range in age from 15 years old down to 6 years old. My 15 year old is my severely disabled daughter who became disabled due to a near drowning accident at 16 month old in a decorative fish pond. She was dead for 4 minutes to 7 minutes, the doctors know this by the degree of brain damage but no heart damage. That event will be an entire post someday but not today. My next child was technically my only 'mistake' in that I wasn't trying to get pregnant and we thought we were doing something to delay it due to the tragedy of the drowning. But God had other plans and His plans are what saved me and my family from the tragedy of that event. At the time I was shocked and angry but it was really the best thing in the world! This will also be a separate post. Then came the next two. I am continually blessed. There is so much more about my family that I will disclose but not right now. I don't want to make this too long and maybe leave some mystery to keep you reading.

     I pray you will stay with me and share this blogging journey. If you do, I pray that God will speak to your heart through my words as that is my goal. I want to bring to you my real relationship with the Lord, to help you see it is possible in the chaos and overpowering events of daily life. That God is there, Jesus forgives, and grace is given. My heart surrounds each of you who read this and I pray that Mary will cover you in her mantel.